Self-differentiated leadership and bringing the organization change process together (Part A)

Becoming a self-differentiated leader, for me, means learning how to stand firm in who I am while staying deeply connected to those around me, especially when the pressure is high or the emotions are intense. As a Hispanic woman in my mid-30s, working in a high school with students who have been identified as having dyslexia, my leadership is personal. I carry not just the responsibility of guiding students, but also the weight of advocating for those who are often overlooked or misunderstood. My leadership is grounded in empathy, resilience, and a relentless belief in my students’ potential.

To grow into the kind of leader my students and colleagues need, I know I have to focus on a few key areas:

• First, I have to be clear on who I am, my values, my purpose, and the things that trigger me emotionally. I’ve learned that when I show up grounded and intentional, I can lead with more impact and authenticity.

• Second, I need to manage my emotions, especially in environments filled with tension, such as IEP meetings. Working with students who struggle to be seen in traditional classrooms often brings out strong feelings, not just in them, but in parents, teachers, and even in me. I’m learning to be a calm, steady presence so that I can create a space where progress can happen.

• Third, I have to set boundaries while staying connected. That means being deeply invested in my students’ success, but not letting their struggles or the challenges of the system consume me. I want to be a leader who models what it looks like to care fiercely without losing myself in the process.

• Lastly, I have to be willing to challenge the status quo. That often means stepping into hard conversations (again, IEP meetings), whether I’m confronting a lack of resources, outdated assumptions about dyslexia, or advocating for more inclusive practices. I’ve realized that my voice matters, especially when it speaks for students who don’t yet know how to speak up for themselves.

This is exactly where Crucial Conversations comes into play for me.

The skills I’m learning from Crucial Conversations are helping me navigate those tough, emotionally charged discussions in a way that’s both respectful and effective. Whether I’m talking with a teacher who doesn’t fully understand dyslexia, or a parent who feels overwhelmed, or a school leader who controls resources, I’m better equipped to speak honestly, listen deeply, and keep the conversation focused on what matters.

These tools are helping me lead with both clarity and compassion. I’m learning how to stay in dialogue, even when things get tense. I’m learning how to redirect conversations toward shared goals, and how to create psychological safety so people don’t feel attacked, even when we disagree.

As someone who naturally likes to solve problems, Crucial Conversations is helping me move beyond fixing surface issues. It’s teaching me how to build trust, shift mindsets, and influence change through meaningful conversation. And that, I’m realizing, is one of the most powerful forms of leadership I can offer.

Not too long ago, I had one of those conversations with a parent. The parent felt frustrated and overwhelmed because their child, who has dyslexia, was falling behind. They felt the school isn't doing enough and I met with them to help them feel heard while also helping them understand the plan (IEP/Accommodations) are in place....

Here is how the conversation unfolded:

First, I thanked the parent for meeting with me that day. I to started by saying, "I see how much you care about your child, and I understand how hard this must be, to feel like your child is struggling and not getting what they need. That’s a really heavy thing to carry as a parent. You’re not alone in this, and I want you to know that I’m here to support you and your child every step of the way.

What I’d like to do today is have an open and honest conversation, where we both feel safe to share concerns, ideas, and hopes. I know we might not agree on everything, but I truly believe we both want the same thing: for your child to thrive.

From my side, I’d love to share what we’ve been doing in the classroom to support them, and also hear more from you, about what you’re seeing at home, what’s working, and what’s not. That feedback is so important. If there are things we can adjust or advocate for together, I want us to do that.

I also want to be transparent, change sometimes takes time, especially within school systems, but that doesn’t mean we stop pushing. My commitment to you is that I will be your child’s advocate here. I can’t promise instant solutions, but I can promise to keep showing up, to keep communicating, and to make sure your child feels seen, capable, and valued."